Its getting so hard!

I can never think of the words I want to say when I need to say them. It builds up over time until I cant contain it any more, and then it comes out all mixed up and Larry has to figure it out. Its not fair! My life has been one disaster after another. Being molested as a child into my teenage yrs, Finally getting married and thinking all my troubles were over. All I wanted was to be a mommy. After having my first child, I had 3 miscarrages, we then adopted a little baby girl only to have her die at 2 yrs old. I did have another son after that, and was just starting to put my life back together. Decided to go back to school when my husband retired. For 2 yrs I tried to study and memorize. The harder I tried the harder it got. I finally quit and tried to go to work. They tried to teach me, but I could not learn. That is why I decided to be checked out by a Dr. After 6 mos of extensive test they decided I have alzheimers. Now the more I try to do the less I can do, we have bills to pay, and insurance wont cover someone to come in and help me. They would rather send me to a nursing home, which, by the way, costs alot more, makes sence right?